January 2010
17 posts
Resolutions
1. Burn my fingers and arms less frequently. Hopefully stop doing that altogether.
2. Sell at least one baked good(s?).
3. Learn to stop hating New Year’s. Or at least stop being so indifferent to it.
Watchjakeandamir:
Amir’s Haircut
Best Jake and Amir EVER. Or maybe second best ever (after Math). Or third (after the engagement one)?
December 2009
31 posts
我希望去中国
Working for my father means either getting into the office or signing online by 8am. Working for my father’s new company that’s based in China means getting detailed, time-sensitive work starting at 5:30pm. So, can I say my hours are 8-11:30 and 5:30-8? Not too bad.
Pick Up Attempt: Fail.
I was running to the cleaners a second time because the first time I went without my wallet when a fat old man with a cane called out to me “miss, you dropped something.” I turned around before I could remember that I definitely didn’t drop anything and then looked at him hoping that wasn’t his way of slowing me down to mug me. “You dropped my heart!” he...
My Aunt Also Took Me to Carvel When We Were All...
When I was in third grade I got glass in my palm. The school tried my mother first, but this was 1993 and she didn’t have a cell phone. My father was in London so he was out. They called my aunt and she picked me up for what turned out to be a day of doctors.
The pediatrician thought the glass shard was too close to an important vein and didn’t trust that I’d remember not to...
Happy 16th Birthday, Josh
The ground is covered in snow and I just spent an hour out back playing football with my brother. After that, we went sledding down the hill in front of the house. This is why being home for a snowstorm is sometimes awesomer than being in the city for a snowstorm.
Note to Self: Must Stop Showering in the Middle of...
The men who spied on me from a fire escape are back and better than ever. Now they’re watching me from the roof of the same building. I think this confirms that they are not, in fact, doing any construction. They’re just creepy spies.
Times Square
My friend and I got out of the 1 at 41st and 7th, not sure which way we needed to go to get to the restaurant on 46th.
“Where are you trying to go?” a guy standing on the corner asked us.
We ignored him.
“Where are you trying to go?” the guy asked again as if we hadn’t heard him.
Again, we ignored him and discussed which way looked like it had a better shot being...
Quote of the Day
“My grandmother just asked me for my email address so she can give it to this guy she wants to set me up with. She just asked me, ‘this is in English letters?’ “
-Svetlana
Just Read This in Our Family Mitteilungen
My great aunt Tante Miriam is hilarious. About a year ago, there was a problem with some pipes in her kitchen so she called a plumber. The guy was Jewish and after speaking with him she went running to tell her husband that she thought he’d make a great match for her granddaughter. “Go talk to him!” she told her husband, “go find out if he’s single and looking to...
Happy 11th!
A little over nine years ago I met a hot lifeguard while I was working as a junior counselor at a local day camp. He was tall, built, charming, and brilliant. He had short wavyish blondish hair, a wildly hairy chest, and he was the biggest flirt I’d met at the time. I told him he had “hot toes.” Then, I was your basic awkward, dorky 15 year-old. I got his screenname from a...
One of the Conversations I Had Today. Short and...
I couldn’t reach for my coffee because I was covering my yawn.
“That’s exactly how I feel,” said the barista.
“You work in a coffee shop!”
And His Was a Gift
“My husband is looking for a new alarm clock cause ours speeds up so much that after three days it’s ten minutes too fast. So he called me over to see one he liked and it like reflects the time on the ceiling and as if that’s not nerdy enough it has a little thing attached. So I asked Dave what that is. It’s a thermometer you can put out the window so it will tell you...
Oh Boy!
After getting my red shoes down from on top of my closet and swirling around in my new dress in front of my mirror, I turned around to face my window. That’s when I noticed two men on the fire escape of one the buildings my window looks out at. And they were both looking in my direction. One of them bent down when he saw me looking straight at them, the other moved his head around, like...
Ugh.
I just read something about Letterman making jokes about Tiger Woods. Like a welcome to the boys’ club? So gross. The only thing that creeps me out more than cockroaches and pincher bugs is a cheating significant other. It only gets worse when they’re your spouse. I get that people disappoint and that it’s a part of life. I don’t get how someone you choose to share...
Better When Read With a Born, Raised, and Still...
Babbi, that’s Grandpa’s grandmother, used to call me at 8 in the morning to wake me up when I was pregnant with your uncle. She used to call and say, in Jewish, “don’t sleep away the baby!” Y’know, what does that mean anyway? It’s what the old ladies used to say. And the thing is, your uncle was so wild that I couldn’t sleep at night. He’d...
It Was Probably Important
“When I blow my nose it pretty much only comes out of one nostril. Is that everyone or uncommon?” “You probably have a deviated septum.” “Okay.”
2 minutes pass.
“It’s this one.” “I was waiting for that.”
My Family Is Weird: Part Two
Mom: Do you want to go to the winter Olympics? Me: As long as it’s not the end of January cause I’ll be skiing. Mom: February I think. Me: Cool. Count me in.
Later… Mom: Dina and I are going to the Olympics. Dad: Oh, so I have to get you tickets. Mom: I thought you said you have. Dad: I said I think I have to go to the Olympics. Not a problem though, I’ll get them for...
I Love The Word Agita
There are some things I pride myself in doing on a professional level without training. Making the perfect pie crust is at the top. Slightly below that: my chocolate chip cookies, planning a menu, setting a table for a party, arranging flowers, and wrapping gifts. Also calming people, but I’m not sure what profession that would be.
Yesterday I wrapped my holiday gifts. Unfortunately,...
Although on the Other Hand, That's Three Minutes...
In an attempt to get into better shape, I went for a run. In an attempt to be healthier, I ate an orange. I probably shouldn’t have eaten the orange on my way out for the run because I only made it three minutes and ended up with a cramp.
I Believe It's Called a Cup of Miloranpple
As a kid, I had one goal. This goal was to drink a cup of milk with orange juice and apple juice. When we’d have a babysitter I would try the “but my mother makes it for me all the time.”
Can’t say I don’t get a curiosity-craving once in a while to just pour some milk, oj, and apple juice together to find out what it tastes like. It is only my fear of consequences...
If I Were Pregs I Would Ask People to Give Me...
I got onto the 1 at the second stop, headphones on, and took a seat. Coffee in one hand, pencil in the other, I hunched over my crossword and shut out the rush hour around me. A few stops before mine, a little girl grabbed the bar to my left and her mother stood over me. I thought, “I should get up so this girl or her mother can sit.” But then I thought, “but I’m going...